I just noticed something: of all of the categories in which I have posted on this blog, the Sex category has seen the least amount of activity.
The specific breakdown is thus: Journal has nine, Prose has five, and Virtual has four.
If you can tell anything by a perfunctory analysis it’s that I’m self-obsessed. And while I’ll deny this or probably give you some intellectual reason easily recognizable as a feeble defense mechanism, this doesn’t change the fact that there simply isn’t much Sex going on in my life.
Now, before you jump to the conclusion that I’m a cold prude who thinks the Devil will drag me screaming to Hell if I touch a guy’s pee-pee touching and kissing makes babies, I can assure you that this conclusion is completely unfounded and untrue.
Why, just look at my stories; some of them are very blatantly sexually themed. Moreover, you could probably categorize them in the strong fetish department, pushing them even further into the fringes of hedonism.
Actually, the answer is very, very simple and very, very embarrassing:
I’m self-conscious about my body.
… and there it is! That should answer all of your questions. Such feelings breed not dressing well, not doing makeup all the time, not going out, not wanting to get intimate, etc.
Will I get over it? Probably not. Will I just suffer through it and ruin my relationships because of my lack of self-esteem? Probably. So what to do?
Write in my blog, I guess. 🙂