I don’t know why I still update this thing. Does anybody read it?
Oh well– it’s a good place to get out my thoughts. Like a journal: an infrequently-visited journal.
I had an epiphany yesterday. Let me detail: I’ve been having an epiphany for the last few days. Or maybe I had the epiphany and it’s still coalescing into something tangible.
Either way, the idea was magical and it’s definitely taking time (and will take some time) to sink in.
Now, let’s preface: like many women, I feel I’m held to a specific standard of beauty on which is based and measured my “worth” as a woman. As dumb as it sounds, that feeling is actually there and more common than you’d think.
Or maybe it’s not and I’m totally alone in that and it’s all in my head. Oh well.
Anyway, the idea has had me quite depressed over the past few weeks. My boobs aren’t big enough, my hips aren’t wide enough, that dress I tried on at Macy’s made my shoulders look WAY too broad …
I mean, size me up to, say, Megan Fox, a girl who is stunningly gorgeous and has amazing eyes (yes, I hate her for it), and I really can’t hold a candle. I’m a dumb, worthless, mediocre, run-of-the-mill woman, a tiny little speck in the night sky that is the overwhelmingly bright and beautiful moon of Megan Fox.
Now tell me that idea isn’t depressing?
WELL, all is not lost. Enter the epiphany by means of a very scattered train of thought.
Sometimes I see myself in pictures and go, “Whoa, is that -me?- I -am- hot, if I do say so myself …”
Othertimes I look at myself in the mirror (without makeup for example) or different pictures and say, “ZOMG, what a dog. Jesus. Please, kill me now and spare me and other people this ugliness.”
Now, if I stop and analyze this, it makes no sense and is blatantly contradictory. HOW can the SAME woman at DIFFERENT times and different angles change sooooo drastically.
Hold that thought.
At the same time, my personality makes up for a lot of the Amy -> Megan shortfalls and personality accounts for a LOT as far as someone’s beauty goes, especially once you get to know them.
Think about it: have you ever seen someone who, at first glance, guy or girl, is just GORGEOUS, only to have that “10” fall to a “5” as soon as they open their mouth?
It goes in the opposite direction, too. That “5” can get up to at least an “8” because of personality or unique features about them that are just beautiful, truly beautiful.
And BOOM, there it was. Unique features. Unique. Hey, wait. I am beautiful. I am uniquely beautiful.
No, I don’t qualify for the standards of Megan Fox and that’s OK. She is universally beautiful. I am uniquely beautiful. There’s just something about me that even I can’t identify that’s not ugly, it’s not gorgeous, it’s just … something.
Hmmm, something. Sex appeal? Maybe that’s it. 😀 In any case, it’s sinking in and I feel a lot better about me.