I’ve decided that I want to become an international flight attendant.  I’ll work for AlItalia or Delta or something since I’m bi-lingual English/Italian.

And why, you may ask, have I chosen this potentially dangerous and stressful career?  Why do you want to put yourself through putting up with people’s endless and outrageous demands?  Why do you wish to inhabit what is potentially Twin Towers bullet?

The answer is simple and may disgust you:  the outfit.

Let me explain.  Very simply put, it’s a job where you -have- to get dressed up every day (instead of being in a stupid warehouse *cough*), do your makeup and hair nicely (self-maintenance is part of doing your job), and you get to wear those pretty uniforms and get hit on by horny travellers (the latter being the least desirable of the perks).

An alternative would be working at the MAC counter in Nordstorm.  I’m sure it would require -far- less training and be -far- less stressful with no less need to dress up, look good, and makeup, of course, is a MUST.

Do I really think it’s going to happen?  Probably not.  Don’t I have to go to flight attendant school or something?  I wonder what that costs.

I don’t mind staying overnight in new places, either.  I think the airline has designated hotels that the attendands and pilots stay and and maybe I can even get a couple of days off to walk around the town.

Sounds exciting!

And I don’t mind serving people, either.  Some examples may include:

“Miss, can I have more peanuts?”
“Hey, bring me a pillow, toots.”
“$7 for headphones, are you shitting me?”
“Why the fuck is it taking so long to get off the ground?”

I’m a pleaser, I admit it, I’d make sure my passengers were well-attended and their every need met.  I’m nice, I’m patient (with people), I can put my “best foot forward,” so to speak, and remain calm when someone is being an ass (I’m very used to it from my work).