What does it mean to “have sex” with someone? And if you do “have sex” does that mean you’re obligated to that person?

Does touching someone equal “sex?” It’s intimacy, sure, but does it mean you’ve given something to that person? Is there now a connection between you?

If so, I’m connected to a lot of people. I touch people all the time. I hang on my mom, I squeeze my daughters, I kiss them on the cheek, I let them know through a rub on the head or a cheek-to-cheek hug that I still love them even if hard words come out of my mouth in reaction to a behavior of theirs I don’t like.

I’ll touch people at work on the arm or on the back as I pass by. People touch me on the arm or pat me on the back.

Regardless of what definition people put to it, I’m still always surprised by people’s interpretation of things and I’m still always surprised how far off they are of mine.

For example, I really enjoy pushing the envelope when I bring up the subject of clones and robots. I. Can’t. Wait.

From pygmies to women to blacks to gays the masses have always found something to revile and oppress. It took pygmies (native africans?) years to get their lands back from the English, Portuguese, French, and Spanish. Hell, Great Britain just handed back Hong Kong within the last decade. Indians will play cricket forever, probably.

Women voted, blacks got equal rights, gays got to marry … it’s my belief the next thing to hate (if not the next then very soon) will be clones … them or robots.

I mentioned it to my massage therapist one time: a gay, semi-conservative man who looks just like Bishop on Alien 2. I told him that one day we’ll have clones and he got immediately defensive.

Him: No, no, don’t say that– I hope we never have clones.
Me: Whaa? Why? I can’t wait until we do. Rip the DNA out of something and stick it in something else.
Him: No way … that’s against the will of God.
Me: Well, well, well … I finally found a boundary.
Him: I guess so …
Me: You know, the same way that you see clones that ultra-conservative Mormon woman who doesn’t think you should be allowed to marry your boyfriend. To her it’s an act against God’s will.
Him: No, that’s different. Cloning things is man playing God.
Me: No, it’s not. It’s something that rallies defense because the belief is shaky. What about a cyborg? Is a cyborg a person?
Him: What’s that?
Me: Someone who has a human brain but the rest is mostly robotic.
Him: Absolutely not.
Me: Wow. Just. Wow. I can’t wait until the day when the gays shit their pants and protest hand-in-hand with the blacks, women, and ultra-conservative, right-wing Christians against clones. What name will we give them? Let’s coin one right now. Dupes? Clonies?

Anyway, you get the idea. Mark my words. Hilight them in your browser. Burn them into your mind. Record them on your iPod.

You know for a fact some day, some where, some ugly, lonely motherfucker is going to step up to that bench and say, “But your honor. I don’t see why I can’t marry my robot. I love her as much or more than I’d love a human. To me she’s a real, thinking, breathing, person.”

Too bad I’ll never get any money for it. :\