I want a lot of money in my bank account.  I don’t want to slave for 20 years to get that money because I can use it right now.

Options?  Well, I can steal it, hit it big in the stock market, think of a new business idea …  While these have appeal and would surely do the trick, the risks and/or drawbacks of each kind of outweigh the reward.

Now, let’s see … other-worldly options?  Why, the good old-fashioned demon summoning to do my bidding and/or money spells.

Yes, sure, it’s a bit off-the-beaten-path, so to speak, but regardless purported as a successful method.

So let’s explore this a little bit.  Now, I’ve done a little research into spells, incantations, summoning, etc. I’ve even read Alistair Crowley’s works (some) and seen a biography on his life.  Most of the methods I’ve read about seem really, really complicated.  Draw symbols, get certain objects, chant certain things.  In some religions you’ve got to sacrifice something or get something’s blood; chicken blood for example.

The second you present to me the idea of putting chicken blood on myself, I’m shelving the idea. Why?  I don’t have any clothes that I’d like to lose to chicken blood and blood doesn’t come out easily.  So unless I procure a smock– and I’ve no idea where to get one– that’s inexpensive and I can throw away, I’ve just passed up one of the main ingredients to a powerful spell.

Not only that, but I’d have to look in books to write shit on the ground, get the right writing utensil, etc. Memorize incantations (what if I pronounced them incorrectly?), light candles … seems like a lot of hullabaloo.

For argument’s sake, let’s suppose I did do all that and managed to summon a demon to do my bidding. I’d ask for, of course, lots of money. Since it seems like a one-wish sort of deal, I’d go a popular convention over objects because you can pretty much buy whatever you want with the convention.

Knowing that stuff has to come from somewhere, let’s hypothesize where the money would come from:

  • I come across a drug-deal gone bad and end up with a bag of money that the bad guys want back;
  • I dump all my money on a stock trade and win huuuuge and get investigated by the SEC;
  • I lose my leg and get a large and life-long settlement from the insurance company;
  • Someone in my family kicks it and I inherit the money;

Just some examples. As you can see, since the demon/Satan can’t make money out of “thin air,” I’m left with only plausible ways to make it and my imagination runs rampant and realistic.

Have you ever seen the movie “Bedazzled?” Ever heard of the tricks leprechauns play when granting wishes? Well, I’m not really into those little games so the whole thing just sounds sort of fishy, sketchy, and dangerous.

So what now. Aliens! The universe is big and I only want money to survive thereon … but if different life forms came with advanced technologies they’d be able to realistically do way more than a dumb demon could. Alter DNA, turn lead into gold, travel really fast, interstellar travel, time travel … the list is endless and so are the television shows about it.