I met somebody recently and she just clicked with me. We’re like sisters. It’s amazing and I haven’t felt this way for a while.
We’re total opposites, too, which makes us– in my mind– an even better pairing. She’s outgoing and flirtatious and I’m cold and unforgiving. We have different tastes in men, too. Were we to go to a club, she’d get all the guys and I’d have her leftovers for days, which suits me just fine. She talks to them and I can determine whether or not I can stand them for more than 10 seconds.
There’s a problem, though. I see that I can grow feelings for her. I already have a little bit; not near enough to make any sort of difference or even hurt were she to go away forever but enough to cause me a bit of distress.
Last night I sat up and analyzed my feelings. Yep, I -am- attracted to her. Yep, I -would- like to develop those feelings and see what happens and how life works out.
Here are the problems:
1. She’s a girl. It’s kind of hard to imagine myself with a girl. Maybe somebody butch but I get along way, way, WAY better w/guys and think it would work out in the long run MUCH better.
2. She’s a sex worker. This is really the kicker but not in the way you’d think. No, it’s not jealousy– I seriously don’t care and I’d even love to participate in her “work” sometimes.
No, instead, it’s vying for her attention. Since she makes men pay her for sex, when I want to be affectionate, I feel like I have to “schedule” time with her. That or I feel like I’m suddenly just another client. I mean, when someone usually puts their hands on her it’s out of LUST, not LOVE, and mixing the two in the same space seems to cause unrest in my mind.
Anyway, I dunno if I’ll tell her any of this. The whole thing has just kind of caught me by surprise and things like that become blog entries.